Becoming Unmoored from Home

Two years ago, I moved out of my parents house. I bundled up my belongings and dreams and set them up in a completely new place on the other side of town.

Two weeks ago, I switched churches. I said goodbye to the people who watched me grow up and set off to make new friends.

I have left my childhood. It grows smaller and smaller behind me in the rear view mirror of my life.

It is a good thing. To leave the place of childhood and stepping into the grand adventure of adulthood.

Knowing it is a good thing doesn’t stop the feelings of being without an anchor. When I left home, I pulled up my anchor and went off in search of new waters and new adventures. Home, my family, my childhood, was still a hop skip and a jump away from me. Yet I still knew I needed something else. Something that welcomed the woman I was becoming.

I don’t know if I have found it yet.

I left the comfort of my childhood, and it is uncomfortable. Making new friends is hard. Creating a community is hard, joining a new community is even harder.

Yet I know that leaving is good. Being stretched and grown is better than stagnating. To stagnate would be like to become a pool of water with no streams. There is nothing feeding it, and nothing to feed into. It becomes mossy, overgrown, it smells, and eventually ceases to be. The moss and grass take over and what was a pond is now a marsh, and then a meadow. When people stagnate, they become overgrown with unchallenged opinions, set in their habits and ways, and furious with anyone who thinks different than they do.

I have met those people. I don’t want to be them. But it is so easy. So easy to let myself settle into habits and ways that don’t ever change. I could stay in my comfortable little bubble and never be challenged again.

But if I want to be like the people I admire, I have to change.

So I did. I have become completely unmoored from my home and old ways of living. I am riding the waves of life to find a new harbor and new things to see and consider. Though tears may come, and have come, I know it is worth it. I can already see how it has changed me for the better. Someday, I trust I will find a new harbor to rest my anchor. For now, I will enjoy the journey.

Shaina Merrick